


It's Always Been Easy

by Mercedesbt1224



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Pining, Requited Unrequited Love, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Star Trek Beyond, Star Trek: Into Darkness, T'hy'la, T'hy'la Big Bang 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercedesbt1224/pseuds/Mercedesbt1224
Summary: In the beginning it was easy for Spock to hate James T. Kirk. Then it was all too easy to love him.





	It's Always Been Easy

Hating James T Kirk was easy. The second Spock saw what the cadet had done to his Kobayashi Maru, Spock knew he disliked the cadet very much. Of course Spock would never admit to such a thing, as emotions like hate were beneath a Vulcan. But Spock could not deny that the very sight of that egotistical grin made him very upset indeed. It was so easy to hate him. His girlfriend, Nyota Uhura, encouraged such motions. She told Spock over dinner one night that she had first met Kirk in a bar where he had shamelessly flirted with her, then proceeded to enter a fight with several other cadets. Obviously, Kirk lost the fight. Spock found it oh so easy to report Kirk’s cheating on the test to Starfleet and found it all too satisfying to see him get called to jury. Spock didn’t even mind when Kirk insisted on facing Spock. He didn’t even feel guilty about his harsh comment about the death of Kirk’s father.   
When Nero came though, Spock was too busy grieving the loss of everything that he held most dear to hate Kirk. That hate came back though, tenfold. When Kirk stood across the bridge and told him Spock had never loved his mother. When he tore into Spock's katra with cruelty, perhaps just as Spock had done to Kirk at the trial. Suddenly hate was all Spock could feel. It was so easy to throw punches, and to squeeze that delicate human windpipe. So easy. It would have been easy to kill him too, if not for his father. And so Kirk got what he wanted, command.   
When they fought Nero side by side though, and when Kirk covered Spock as he ran through open area. And when Kirk risked his life to help Spock… Spock began to doubt. He certainly didn’t like the Cadet, but perhaps hate was too strong of a word.  
When it was over, and the destruction and pain was all that was left of Nero, Kirk came to see him. Bruised, battered, and sporting an impressive bruise on his throat in the shape of Spock’s fingers, Kirk tracked him down. Spock had been on the observation deck, staring at the black part of space where Vulcan should have been.  
“I need to talk to you” Kirk had began.  
“Cadet Kirk if this is in regards to your hearing for the Kobayashi Maru, I will not discuss it at this time” Spock had snapped, not even looking at Kirk’s face.  
“What? No of course this isn’t about that!” Kirk had sounded so shocked.  
“Then say what you must”   
“I-I’m so sorry” were not the words Spock had been expecting from Kirk. it shocked him so much that Spock had turned and looked into Kirk’s face. Into his eyes, which Spock suddenly realized were wet with tears.  
“I do not understand”  
“For what I said. I have to tell you that I didn’t mean a word of it. I swear I didn’t mean it. I just… I couldn’t think of anything else.” Kirk had said. Spock opened his mouth, then closed it again.   
“I… Thank you. I know that what you did was logical.”  
“That doesn’t make it right. I’d take it back if I could. I grieve with thee” Kirk had said. The words did not take away his pain, but they did take away his hate.   
His counterpart had insisted that Spock and Kirk were destined for a friendship which would define them. While it was true Spock no longer hated Kirk, he could not imagine that ever being true. But his counterpart insisted, and Spock… could not resist. And just like that, it was so easy to become first officer and Captain.  
Serving under James T Kirk really was easy. While it was true the captain was reckless at times, a bit immature, and definitely flirtatious, he never endangered the crew, he was fiercely loyal, and an excellent decision-maker. He was also friendly, and tried very hard to make Spock comfortable. He turned the bridge temperature up a couple degrees when he noticed Spock shiver. He was careful to avoid touching hands as he clearly knew the cultural significance, and he made the effort to ask Spock if there was anything he needed to make his First Officer duties easier. While it was a starship that ran into difficulties sometimes, the captain did his best to make it as easy as possible.   
Their relationship continued to be easy. In fact, it got easier. When the captain started insisting Spock call him Jim, it was so easy to purposefully call him captain as a way of teasing him. When they started having lunch together, it was easy to find out that they had many similar interests to talk about over the meal. As it turns out, Jim is highly intelligent. Suddenly Spock was having difficulty remembering why he’d ever hated Jim Kirk when it was so clear that he was a good man. Yes it’s true that he sometimes comes across as cocky and smug, but Spock had come to realize that that was nothing but a front. That Jim was actually on the insecure side. Spock learned this from offhand comments like ‘Better I go. That way if the mission goes wrong no one really important gets hurt.’ or ‘Spock I need your opinion on this, I know I’ll fuck it up unless you help me.’ Spock didn’t know where his endless insecurity came from, but he did know that all that ego was nothing more than a farce.   
When Jim brought up the fact that he’d won some chess competitions as a child, it intrigued Spock. Spock was a skilled chess player and had yet to find a worthy opponent. He invited Jim to a game of chess and Jim excitedly agreed.   
“Prepare to lose!” Jim had excitedly declared as he plopped down across from Spock in the rec room.  
“I do believe that actions will speak louder than your preemptive declarations” Spock said. He was attempting mild humour, something that Spock had learned could dispel awkwardness. Jim grinned and for a moment Spock was breathless. While Jim smiled often, it wasn’t so common for that smile to be focused solely on Spock, blue eyes focused and bright. Jim was looking at Spock like Spock was the only thing in the universe. He forced his eyes away from Jim and took his first move on the chessboard. As it turns out, Jim had not spoken too soon. While Jim played recklessly and illogically, a mere half hour after the game began he triumphantly cried   
“Checkmate!” with a fiery look in his eyes. Spock sat back, somewhat flabbergasted.  
“Fascinating” was all he could muster as a reply, then after a pause “shall we play again?” and all Jim could do was smile that intoxicating smile of his and agree. And so they added weekly chessgames to their many socializations.   
The volcano changed things. Spock had accepted his death. He knew Nyota would mourn and Jim would too but he had not predicted… expected for Jim to sacrifice his career to save him. He had not expected for Jim so care so much. And beneath the relief and gratitude, Spock was angry. Angry that Jim would risk so much just for Spock. Angry that Jim would put his career on the line when Spock knew perfectly well that many people hated Jim. When Jim asked Spock if he knew why he’d gone back for him… well Spock didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. It was so easy to pretend that Jim would do that for any crew member. So easy to ignore what Jim was implying.   
Spock was truthful in his report. He told himself it was logical and that there was no logic in lying to admiralty. Deep down Spock knew that in some way he was punishing Jim. Maybe if Jim hated Spock, he would never risk himself for Spock again. But when Pike died and Jim, grieving and angry, was ordered to kill Khan, Jim for some reason reinstated Spock as First Officer. It was easy to fall back into their rhythim of Captain and First Officer. It was easy to forget the volcano when suddenly they were fighting for their lives.   
When Jim died Spock could no longer deny anything anymore. When Jim asked again if Spock knew why Jim had gone back for him in that volcano, and Spock knew. Because right then Spock would do anything to save Jim. He’d risk his career over and over if it meant that the glass between him and Jim would disappear. All Spock could do was say  
“Because you are my friend” and hope that Jim could understand that Spock meant so much more than that.  
It was so easy to become undone with rage. Years of Vulcan discipline and careful logic gone as if it were never there. And it was so easy to beat Khan senseless. So easy to bring Khan closer to death. Khan would pay for Jims’ life with his own. He didn’t even notice nor care about Nyota’s presence until she said they could save Jim. It was so easy to stop then, because that hope… that hope was everything.   
For two weeks he watched Jim come back to life. Each day there was more colour in his cheeks, or his fingers twitched. Each day Jim looked less like death, and more like sleep. Nyota tried to understand, tried to be okay with the fact that all Spock could do while Jim was unconscious was sit by his bed.   
Jim awoke and Spock was there. And when Jim smiled at him there was something in those blue eyes that Spock wasn’t sure he wanted to understand. Something deep and warm that made Spock feel all too much. He wanted to tell Jim that he meant the world to Spock. He wanted to tell Jim that he was worth so much even if Jim didn’t know it. He wanted Jim to know that Spock accepted him even if Jim never opened up about his childhood. Even if he never told Spock about why he had those nightmares. So when Jim said thank you, all those words were on the tip of Spock’s tongue but no… he couldn’t. Not when it would hurt Nyota so much. Not when Jim could have anyone and why would he have Spock? Not when what they had now was so easy, and so easy to ruin. So instead Spock said  
“You are welcome, Jim” and hoped that somehow… Jim could know.   
Things became less easy after that. It began with Nyota. They argued more often, and suddenly Nyota storming out of his quarters in rage became common. They rarely slept together, intimately or otherwise, and although Nyota never said it out loud, she glared at Spock any time he brought up Jim’s name. Yet the relationship between Spock and Jim continued to be easy, continued to be strong. Spock felt guilty for hurting Nyota but he couldn’t bring himself to regret his relationship with Jim. Besides, they were only friends. Spock felt Nyota’s jealousy was misplaced. While he couldn’t deny that he was attracted to Jim… that he wanted him body and mind, but Jim had never shown an indication that Spock’s feelings were reciprocated. Spock saw no reason to end things with Nyota as he did feel for her and before all their turmoil he found the relationship satisfactory.   
Ultimately it was Nyota who ended their relationship.   
“I can’t do this anymore!” she yelled. Her face was flushed and her arms were flailing wildly.   
“Nyota please, I do not understand” Spock pleaded. This outburst has come suddenly. Off-handedly Spock mentioned an article Jim had sent to him and Nyota had stood up from the couch and begun to yell   
“I can’t handle this anymore! I’ll never be good enough will I?”  
“You are-“  
“Don’t play stupid Spock, you think I don’t know who you want?”  
“I am in a committed relationship-“  
“With Jim!” She yelled. Dead silence filled the air and then tears began to roll down her cheeks  
“Nyota nothing has happened between me and Jim. He is my friend” Spock said. Nyota shook her head.  
“No, I know nothings happened but you wish it had. I know you want him. God I’m not blind” Spock didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t lie  
“It does not matter if I desire him. He does not desire me and I will never act on it. And I do desire you”  
“Are you that blind? You don’t see the way he looks at you?! He wants you! But I don’t hate him for wanting you! He would never act on it because he is a good man. I know he’s a good man. I don’t care that he wants you, I care that you want him” now it was Spock’s turn to be in disbelief   
“Jim does not-“  
“God damn it Spock! I tried so hard!” She cried  
“I am also trying”  
“No you’re not. You know that in order to save our relationship you need to distance yourself from Jim” Spock couldn't do that. It would hurt him beyond belief.  
“I-I cannot-“   
“I know, I know you can’t. That’s why I’m done. You may not know it, but you and Jim are in more of a relationship than you and I are”  
“Nyota…” she shook her head again, wiping tears from her face.  
“I really thought we would have a future together. I really thought that we would make it” she whispered, her voice taught  
“Then why end it?” Spock asked  
“I won’t be in a relationship with someone who will spend the rest of his life wanting to be with someone else,” she said, meeting his eyes. Spock didn’t know how to answer. He looked at the floor in shame. A moment later he heard the door swish open, then closed. By the time he looked up, Nyota was long gone.   
It hurt for awhile. Despite the fact that Nyota hadn’t lied, except maybe about Jim desiring Spock, Spock really did care for her. They had spent almost six years in a romantic relationship. She had been there for him when his mother died. She had cared for him and he would miss her, he truly would. But he could not say he didn’t see it coming. He could not say that he wanted to reverse her decision. No, they had parted ways and though it hurt, though it would take some adjustment, it was for the best.  
His counterpart died. That much was only logical as ambassador Spock was very old. He died alone. That part was illogical to Spock. Why had his counterpart died alone? He was in a foreign universe without anyone he loved or cared for. With his own Jim Kirk long dead. It was so illogical because to Spock, his counterpart should have died with his Jim, just as Spock would want to die with his own Jim. Then a new issue arose. A guilt for not being on New Vulcan to help rebuild, repopulate. Spock was conflicted. Unsure if he should leave Jim’s side.   
The decision became clear on shore leave when Spock spotted a drunk Jim kissing a dark haired woman. Spock would never be that to Jim, and friendship wasn’t a logical enough reason to not help his race.   
The pain, confusion, none of it mattered once Altamid happened. Spock was injured, bleeding out, and stranded with only Dr. McCoy for company. He didn’t know if Jim was alive or not, he didn’t know where anyone was, and he wasn’t sure if he’d survive. Then he was being reunited with Jim, who was pale but unharmed and looking at Spock like… Spock couldn’t describe it but he couldn’t recall anyone ever looking so happy and relieved to see him. And Spock had never been so happy and relieved to see Jim. Jim became a bit sullen once McCoy made the comment about Nyota and a tracking device, but Spock had no time to explain to Jim that Nyota was no longer his girlfriend. Then Jim was planning to go save the crew and Spock was watching Jim leave, fear gripping his heart.   
The rest was a blur of fights and panic, then suddenly classical rock? All Spock could do was try to keep up and try to keep Jim safe, and breathe a sigh of relief that Nyota was alright because despite their bitter end Spock would always care for her.   
Jim was falling through the air in Yorktown. Headed straight for the vacuum of space. Then Spock had him, Jim’s body slamming into his and Spock using all his Vulcan strength to pull Jim into the aircraft. Once Jim was on the floor of the aircraft, panting and bloody but alive, that’s when it became easy to breathe again.   
Spock and Nyota did not get back together after that, but it did get easier. That iciness in her stare thawed and when he stared at Jim from across the room of Jim’s birthday party, Nyota nodded and said  
“Go on Spock. Your place is by his side” and Spock could not deny what she said. His place was by Jim’s side, always.   
It was easy to convince himself that Jim didn’t see Spock as anything more than a friend but sometimes Jim looked at him with something fond and warm that made Spock hope. God it was easy to hope.  
They were grounded for a year while the enterprise was rebuilt, and Jim insisted on making sure that much of that time was spent in the presence of each other. Shortly after his birthday, Spock asked Jim over chess  
“Why isn’t Nyota living with you? I mean… haven’t you guys been together for like six years?” and suddenly Spock remembered that Jim didn’t know about the termination of their relationship.  
“Nyota and I are no longer romantically involved. We ended our relationship shortly before the events on Altamid”  
“Oh no, what happened?” Jim asked, his eyebrows creasing.  
“We discovered we were no longer compatible romantically”   
“I’m sorry Spock, are you okay?”   
“Yes I am satisfactory. We parted on agreeable terms” Spock did not tell Jim that Nyota ended things in part because of Jim. Surprisingly Jim lost the game of chess, appearing distracted. As Jim was leaving he suddenly pulled Spock into a hug. He smelled of apple scented shampoo and his body was warm, so warm, pressed against Spock’s. It was so easy to return the hug and wrap his arms around Jim gratefully. Just as quickly as it began, the hug ended. Jim pulled back, dipped his head so that Spock could only see the golden top of Jim’s head.   
“Goodnight Spock” Jim said, his voice so quiet compared his usual grandeur. Before Spock could answer Jim was gone, halfway down the hall of his apartment before Spock even realized he needed to shut the door.   
That night sleep eluded him. Underneath all the confusion and longing was… hope. It was easy to hope when Spock could still feel Jim’s body against his. When he could still feel the subtle warmth of Jim’s breath on Spock’s neck. That embrace had to mean something. It was so easy to hope. So by the time morning came and ribbons of yellow and orange sunlight were shining through the slats in his blinds, Spock had decided that he had to try. He had to court James T. Kirk because that hope was all he could think of.   
The next morning he showed up to Jim’s apartment with coffee. He knew Jim’s coffee order by heart and he knew that Jim would need it considering Jim used to fondly say to Spock “I’m not even a person without a cup of coffee”. Jim swung the door open a moment after Spock knocked. He was still in his pajamas, a faded beastie-boys t-shirt and sweats, but he looked fairly awake which made Spock think he had been up for a short while.  
“Spock.” Jim said, his mouth falling open in surprise.   
“Good morning Jim, I was wondering if you would be interested in visiting the new hydraulic energy museum with me today. I have brought you coffee.” Spock said, trying not to feel nervous. Nervousness is illogical Spock told himself. Jim leaned against the door and stared at Spock, a wonderful pink spreading across his cheeks. A slow and easy smile spread across his face.  
“Hydraulic energy museum huh?” he said in a teasing and light tone. Jim moved his body aside and made an inviting gesture with his arm. Spock entered, handing the coffee to Jim who murmured a thanks. Spock had been to Jim’s apartment a few times but he stood awkwardly by the door, unsure of where to go.   
“You can go sit in the living area, I’ve got to go get dressed.” Jim said, pointing over to the navy blue couch by the window. Jim stalked down a hallway towards, what Spock assumed was, his bedroom. Spock had never been to that part of Jim’s apartment. Spock sat down and sipped at his own tea. He’d never liked the taste of coffee much, though his mother did. Back when Spock was young, his father would sometimes bring back some coffee from his trips to earth as a gift for his mother. Amanda would smile wide and press her nose to the bag of beans, inhaling the smell deeply. Spock had seen Jim inhale the smell of his coffee on occasion too. He assumed that humans must find the scent pleasing. Jim emerged a few minutes later wearing a blue button up shirt that complimented his eyes so nicely, a pair of black jeans, and his hair combed out of his face. He looked simply stunning.   
“Have you eaten breakfast yet? I'm starving” Jim asked, glancing longingly towards the kitchen.  
“I have not had a proper meal yet this morning.” Spock replied. Jim clapped his hands together excitedly  
“Ohh boy mister Spock you are in for a treat! You’ve never had my cooking before have you?” he said, grinning mischievously.   
“I have not. I was not aware that cooking is a skill you possess.”   
“Well there are plenty of things you don’t know about me yet” Jim winked at him and Spock’s heart thumped in his side. Jim strode over to the kitchen and pulled out flour and milk along with other ingredients.   
“How do you feel about pancakes?” Jim asked.  
“I have a neutral opinion on them”   
“Well that is about to change.” Jim makes him blueberry pancakes. As he cooks Spock is struck by the domesticity of it all. He can’t help imagine waking up every morning next to Jim. Having breakfast with him each day. Coming home to him each night. The longing in Spock’s katra was like a sharp blade. As Jim was flipping pancakes on the stove Spock asked  
“Where did you learn to cook?” Jim paused, resting the spatula on the counter and staring at the wall for a moment. Then he turned to Spock with a look in his eyes of sadness.  
“Mom wasn’t around much when I was a child. Frank wasn’t about to cook me dinner either. So if I wanted to eat I made it myself. After awhile I got sick of pasta so I started making new things”  
“Frank was your step-father, correct?”  
“I guess technically by law he was. He was no father” Jim said, his face downcast. He turned back to the stove and flipped another pancake. When he spoke again, his voice was low.  
“Frank was a drunk. He was out at bars most of the time. I liked it better when he was at the bars though. Better to have an empty house than one with a drunk Frank. When he was home he was angry. Angry that my mother had married him then ditched the planet, leaving him with two boys to raise. Angry that my brother Sam and I had ruined his big plans at a happy life guess. Anyway for a bit Sam got the worst of it, him being older and whatnot. When Frank was angry Sam would protect me, take the beatings for me. Then Sam left and there was no one but me and Frank.” Spock felt sorrow. Sorrow for the pain that Jim had gone through. And anger at the man who had hurt Jim.  
“I am sorry you had to experience that.” Spock said. Jim forced a smile.  
“Not to worry Spock, it was a long time ago. I’m okay now”  
As it turns out, Jim had not overestimated his cooking abilities. The pancakes were very delicious.  
There was something between them as they ate a second round of pancakes. The thick scent of maple syrup and sweet pancakes filled the air around Jim’s small round table. It was just big enough for the two of them, and if Spock moved his leg a bit forward, it would brush against Jim’s knee. It was tempting. Perhaps Jim was thinking the same thing because suddenly Jim’s knee was flush with Spock’s. His breath caught in his throat. Spock looked up from his pancakes and saw Jim staring at him, blue eyes intense and full of an emotion Spock couldn’t begin to understand.  
“How are your pancakes?” Jim asked, that same easy smile from earlier returning.  
“They are excellent Jim. You are clearly a man of many talents” Spock said. Jim opened his mouth, paused, then grinned.  
“Mister Spock you have no idea,” Jim looked at him expectantly. It was impossible to mistake this look. The heat in his gaze and the smile on his lips. Jim was telling him that this was Spock’s chance. Nervousness is illogical Spock told himself for the fifth time that morning.  
“Perhaps you could enlighten me, Jim.” Jim’s jaw dropped in disbelief, his fork slipping out of his fingers and landing with a soft clatter on the table. Jim shut his mouth and swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. Suddenly Jim reached forward, fingers trembling slightly, and swiped his thumb over Spock’s chin.  
“You have maple syrup on your chin…” Jim said softly, his thumb resting on Spock’s chin, his palm cradling Spock’s jaw. The warmth from his hand was delicious. It was so easy to lurch forward and meet Jim in the middle of the minuscule table for a searing kiss. It was so easy to bury his hands in Jim’s golden locks. So easy to get lost in the heat, and the endless bliss. They did not, after all, end up going to the hydraulics museum.   
The rest of the year while the enterprise was being rebuilt continued to be just as blissfully easy. Spock relished in the feeling of warm skin against his every morning as he woke, and more of Jim’s incredible cooking. The easy chess games or holovid nights where Spock didn’t even mind the illogic of the films they watched because Jim was curled up beside him, breathing softly on his neck. He enjoyed passion-filled nights when neither of them got much sleep and the air crackled with electricity. Listening to Jim sing in the shower. This wasn’t actually new as they had shared a bathroom on the enterprise which meant that Spock had often heard Jim singing old earth tunes over the rushing water. Spock enjoyed these happy, easy things, but he also was grateful for the other things. Like Jim’s nightmares, something Spock had not known before their romantic relationship began. It was not too uncommon for Jim to wake crying, griping at the bedsheets and unsure of where he was. Spock was grateful that he could be there for Jim, to talk him down into calmness and understanding. To hold Jim until the shaking stopped and sleep returned to him. Spock was grateful for the handful of melds they had engaged in, and how it allowed Spock to understand Jim on levels he had not thought possible. To see the traumas of his past and to share his own difficult childhood. Even these things were easy in their own way.   
When the enterprise was finally rebuilt, they both decided they wanted to finish the five year mission. They would have another conversation after it was completed, but neither of them were ready to be earth-bound yet, or vulcan-bound. Perhaps when the mission ended they would stay on earth, buy a house together and start something new. Perhaps they would go to Vulcan to help rebuild. Regardless they would do it together. They were T’hy’la. Meant to be. It was only logical. Whatever they decided, neither Spock nor Jim was worried. After all, it’s always been easy.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was a long time coming. I've been working on it for a couple of months now, writing and re-writing it until I was finally happy with it. I really poured my heart into this one and I hope it shows. It isn't beta'd but I did my best to proof-read it. I hope you all loved this one as much as I do. Please feel free to leave a kudos, and a comment on what you thought of it. If any of you incredibly talented artists out there wanted to do any artwork based off of this story that would be incredible and I would praise you to high heavens. I'm already working on my next Spirk fic so please stay tuned :)  
> love you guys.


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